Tampons and Ramen

email transaction:

Shelby writes: did you know clay aiken(am. idol) just came out of the closet?! i am shocked! i had no idea he was a fag!!! you just never really know someone....lol

Me: Clay Aiken? Gay?!
I find that hard to believe.
He's so macho. Man, those leather types always fool me...

Shelby: I KNOW!!! where was my gaydar?.....my, i must be losing it with age...did you know i was gay?

NEKESA MUMBI MOODY wrote an article about Clay's coming out (url below) and she quotes a girl on a fan-site that had me speechless:
"This is really shocking news as I had no idea he was gay," read a comment posted by "Sheridansq." "And now I have to deal with this. I am not sure what to say to people who know I was a fan. ... I didn't go to work today and am not answering the telephone."

I want to meet this girl, Sheridansq -- not be her friend, but to stare at her like a zoo animal. Taking a day off work?! I'm picturing her with her forearm thrown to her head, having a Victorian fainting spell, "My smelling salts, pleeease..." as she falls on her divan... (...a long, backless sofa...) What's she gonna tell her boss? "I'm sorry, its Clay...I thought we would marry...but he's gay...Even tho he has no idea of my existence, well..."

So I started thinking about gayness, and how if I get a couple drinks in me, I find cuteness in those big butch bull dykes...

I'm questioning 'what is gay?' Besides the Clay Aiken lip balm you get if you join his fan site...

I can love someone of either sex. I mean, you love your grandparents. So who you love doesn't make you gay. Gayness must be who you're sexually attracted to.

But if I were to be blindfolded and stimulated...touched in a way I like, I'd get aroused if it were a male or a female, so for me, it's not a biological orientation towards a gender. Blindfolded, I'd react the same to a man or a woman touching me.

Of course, in a particular mood, a ladybug crawling on my arm could feel really good...but I wouldn't start a relationship with it.

So by my logic, either homosexuality is a choice, or I'm bisexual.

But then if I masturbate, I'm having sex with a woman. That must be gay.

What if its out of convenience? Being lazy? What if I don't feel like going thru the effort to have someone else to get me off? Sometimes its a hassle. If my boyfriend is in the middle of watching a playoff game, it is waaaaay not worth the hassle.

So where does laziness factor in? I knew one stripper who said, frustrated, "I'm straight! Everyone thinks I'm gay, but I'm not! I just don't feel like breaking up with my girlfriend!"

Where does laziness factor in?

And what about auto-eroiticism? I can arouse myself just thinking about being blindfolded and having different hands touch me. I can turn myself on. So does that make me auto-sexual? (is there a word for this?) It sounds like, "ought to sexual" like "I ought to have sex."

Well, I need to get my day started. I took the day off work. I'm going to a PAX (Alison Armstrong) workshop. We'll see if it does me any good.

posted by Tampons and Ramen @ 8:01 AM