Tampons and Ramen

Goal: a minimum of 1 act of generosity per day.

Requirements: must be affordable...(if I pay too much, and feel resentment, its not an act of generosity) NEVER GIVE MORE THAN YOU CAN AFFORD. *

Must not be a "fix." (Like giving a drug addict rehab literature...) *

Must give me pleasure/enjoyment, or at the very least, a sense of satisfaction. *

I burned a couple of cd's for people. I wrote a bum a thank-you note for smiling at me one day.
"Dear Bum, thank you for..."(I didn't really begin with Dear Bum, but wouldn't that have been hee-larious...)
Stuck a very small amount of money in the envelope, but that doesn't count as an act of generosity because I didn't have much cash on me that day and it hurt. Like I was a little kid trying to pull out a loose baby tooth. Didn't wanna do it. THAT IS NOT GENEROSITY. That's just plain fucked up. Turns out I could afford it. But it doesn't count. Only the thank you note counted.

Anyway, here's one that backfired, because it was a "fix." A morbidly obese coworker found out I'd lost 70 lbs, and asked how I did it. I said I changed my diet, mostly eating healthy. Whole grains, low-fat...and this is where this shield goes over their face, and they aren't interested.
They'd rather pig out on their cancer causing hydrogenated fats and whatever.

I had a cookbook with me at work, because its hard work maintaining weight loss, and I have to spend time creating delicious low fat menu's for my week ahead, because if I don't, I'm gonna grab fat-ass food.

I figure I am not using the cookbook that day. I don't want to give it away so I offer to loan it to her for a week or so thinking, that will be my good deed. She's all,
"Oh, I can't do vegetarian."

I say, "You can use these menu's for side dishes."
I mean, she can have her hunk of dead flesh, but instead of eating it with some fat ass side dish, she can make a skinny ass side dish.

My coworker wasn't interested.

Anyway, that was definitely more of a "fix" than generosity. I think that's why it backfired.

Next topic, sort of along the same lines:

Boyish looking middle aged woman on the street approaches me with convoluted story.
"Where's such-and-such grocery store?"
I say, "Across the street, and take a left."
"I gotta cross the street?" she says, slight concern.
"Yeah."
We are right by a drugstore. She says, "They said my prescriptions gonna take an hour and a half. Its gonna be dark by the time its ready. I need to call my friend and tell her I'm okay." She's wearing a flannel and jeans, has her hands in her pockets, sways back and forth like an adolescent boy.

I figure here's an easy act of generosity. I let her use my cell phone. She pulls a hand out of a pocket and holds out some quarters.
"I'm not trying to scam you," she says. I decline her quarters.

She uses the phone.
No one is there. She's nervous.
"Would it help if I walked you across the street?" I ask.

She hesitates. "Yeah," she says, adding, "You can tell I'm not the brightest person in the world." (she's got kind of a speech thing, sorta talks slow)

I'm not clear on why she needs to get to the grocery store. "Can they fill your prescription faster?" I ask.

"No," she says, "but that's where a payphone is. Can I use yours to call my friend again?"
So I let her, and she leaves a message, adding, "and this nice lady let me use her cell phone."

To prove she's not trying to scam me, she pulls a wristband out of her pocket, and says, "I just got out of the hospital an hour ago."

Now I'm terrified. I'm like, "what if she's contagious, and how can I sterilize my cell phone?"

I want to ask her what she was in for, but I am too polite.

And it occurred to me that she was passing herself off as "not the brightest person out there," but other than a slight speech thing going on, I thought she was pretty genius. I mean, I'm lazy, and I was willing to walk her across the street and do stuff for her.

*requirements for acts of generosity stolen from Love for Sale half price Course written by Vic Baranco. Yay Vic! I bet heaven's a lot more fun with you there!

Labels: act of generosity

posted by Tampons and Ramen @ 10:09 AM 0 comments links to this post

I was in the drugstore buying condoms. The aisle said, "Family Planning." Funny, I thought, I'm planning not to have one...

I'm still embarassed buying them. I look for a female cashier but of course there are none.

And then one male cashier says to me, "I'll take you over here."

Take me? Um, where? On the counter?

Labels: buying condoms

posted by Tampons and Ramen @ 8:19 PM 0 comments links to this post

Adventures with my tard coworker:

Once I asked her to mail death certificates to a client. (her job to do post office runs) She didn't do it. Few days later, client calls complaining that they never got their death certificates.

The Tard rushes off to send them, and to cover her ass, calls the manager and says we got a complaint, so she dropped everything and "SENT THEM RIGHT AWAY!"

Makes herself the hero.

The fucking Tard was the reason they were late.

Another time, she needs to mail her own personal items. No manager around. She leaves, stops at the door, and says, "Do you need anything mailed?" I say no, not really. But I have some forms in my out-box if she wants to take them.

She gets back from the post office. Manager is there. She yells, "Tamponsandramen needed something mailed RIGHT AWAY! So I had to go to the post office."

Lying straight to his face. Making ME look bad.

I tell my manager that she needed to mail personal items, and I didn't need anything mailed at all.

He shakes his head and laughs, amused.

The irony is she's getting a semi promotion. She is inept, but because no one in my building wants her around, we are lying about her qualifications to get her out. I'm giving the worst employee I've ever seen excellent references.

Things she's done:

Snuck onto my computer when I was logged on and looked at ads for marijuana.

Forged my name

Taken company vehicle to shop for hours at a time. (do I complain? Hell no, I'm so glad she's gone)

Emailed people from my company email account.

Come in late, leave for hours for personal errands, and not log time. At one point, she was being paid for about 12 hours per week that she wasn't there.

To make matters worse, I do almost all of her administrative duties. One day I told her I was too busy, please do your own work, I cannot do it right now.

She got mad, took off in the company vehicle, went to other locations and told everyone I was bossing her around.

Because I said, "I cannot do your work."

posted by Tampons and Ramen @ 9:42 PM 0 comments links to this post

(from an old email I wrote)

BATman. SPIDERman. Why the creepy things? What about cute stuff? Where is Kittenman? Or Hamsterman? Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Pandaman! (say that one out loud. its fun. pandaman pandaman pandaman) I demand pandaman!

posted by Tampons and Ramen @ 9:33 PM 0 comments links to this post

Sometimes I see poetry and the beauty of it almost hurts.

I saw the backs of two homeless guys walking side by side down the street. Behind them a flock of seagulls feasted on the leftover food the men left for them.

posted by Tampons and Ramen @ 8:50 PM 0 comments links to this post